Gammon & Pineapple:

Gammon & Pineapple:

Prep:           5 mins.

Cooking:      20 mins.

Course:        Snack/Lunch/Main

Serves:      As many as….

Rating:         1:  Very easy

An easy standby.

Find:

  • 1 gammon steak per person
  • Can of sliced pineapple (usually contains about 5 slices – you only need 1 slice per person, unless you’re crazy about pineapple)
  • Grill

Method 1:

  • Heat up the grill and cook the gammon for about 5 minutes each side, plop it onto a plate and put a slice of pineapple on top. There can’t be many things easier.

Method 2:

  • As above, but grill the pineapple at the same time. A very light sprinkling of sugar on the pineapple will help, and will also make it look nice.

Bacon-Spiked Scrambled Eggs:

Bacon-Spiked Scrambled Eggs:

Prep:           5 mins.

Cooking:      10 mins.

Course:        Breakfast/Snack

Serves:        2 (and that’s the very best sort of breakfast….)    

Rating:         1:  Very easy

Lovely scrambled eggs enhanced by beautifully crispy bacon morsels giving spikes of intense flavour.

Find:

  • 4 or 5 Eggs
  • 2, 3 or 4 rashers of bacon or an amount of bacon bits
  • Butter & a little oil
  • Black pepper (you may not need salt as it has bacon)
  • Scissors
  • Frying pan

Method:

  • Snip the bacon into little bits using kitchen scissors. Get the pan hot and put in a small amount of oil.
  • Throw the cut bacon in. Keep all the bacon bits moving using a spatula until they are nicely crispy – about five minutes, I suppose.
  • Pour the excess oil off, into a cup, retaining it for doing the roast spuds tomorrow… (don’t be tempted to pour it down the sink – see Tricks’n’Tips for how to deal with fats & oils).
  • Put a knob of butter into the pan.
  • Pour your beaten (or at least, fairly defeated) eggs into the pan on top of the bacon and keep them moving.
  • Remember to serve the scrambled eggs onto plates before they look cooked – have courage!
  • The resulting light, soft, silky scrambled eggs are wonderfully enhanced by the intensely flavoured crispy bacon spikes.
  • Scoff with pleasure.

For the slimmers in our number, replace all references to ‘oil’ or ‘butter’ with this Fry-Light stuff.  It’s nowhere near as good, but when attempting to shed a pound or two….. (or stones, in my case) it is a dammed good idea.  And, more to the point, it works.

A really very nice indeed Non-Veggie breakfast pan…..

A really very nice indeed Non-Veggie breakfast pan…..

Inspired by watching Jamie – so he should take the credit. (Not ALL of it, mind…..)

Prep:           15 mins.

Cooking:      15 mins.

Course:        Breakfast/Snack

Serves:        As many as……

Rating:         1:  Very easy

Find:

  • As much bacon, as many sausages and as many slices of black pudd’n as you wish (you won’t need much, actually)
  • As many eggs as you want to use
  • Red & yellow peppers
  • Mushrooms of whatever description
  • Onions (make yer own mind up how many)
  • Garlic – you make the decision how many cloves!
  • Tins of plum tomatoes – half the number of people; that’s how many.
  • Oil, seasoning, chillies if you would like, Tabasco or Worcester sauce if you don’t.
  • You see, you must be ACCURATE with your quantities….. (Ha!)

Method:

  • Chop the meaty bits, de-seed & snip up the peppers, mushrooms – perhaps even a few pre-cooked chestnuts as well if you have ‘em – and pop ‘em into a large, well-oiled frying pan over a high-ish heat. Get ‘em all going and cook them well.
  • Chuck in a bit of water to take the bits of flavour from the surface of the pan (Jamie used a paella pan – you can use whatever you like).

Now do the calculation:

How many people (say 4); so that’s half of 4….. duh….

Ah yes, two cans of plum tomatoes.

  • Open the cans, pour in the juice and then take a table knife to the tomatoes to just cut them in the cans with a couple of strokes of the knife, randomly – you don’t want chopped tomatoes (otherwise I would have specified a can of chopped tomatoes, wouldn’t I ?…..) and pour them in. Keep the heat up.
  • Chuck in a few dried herbs, or fresh if you have them (torn-up basil leaves would be especially good, but that would be best just at the end), and get it up to boiling.
  • You can put the garlic in now as well. Peeled & sliced, or through a garlic crusher.
  • Season, mix in your flavourings, taste, etc. Turn down the heat.
  • When you are happy with the gorgeous taste, make as many holes in the surface of the mixture as you have eggs, cracking one into each hollow.
  • Don’t hang about though or they’ll be cooked at different times – get a wiggle on!
  • Turn out the heat, pop a lid on top (if you have one) or some foil if you haven’t and in about 3 minutes you should have a lovely breakfast suitable for your non-veggie friends.
  • Especially with the black pudd’n.
  • Serve it up onto toast or pop some into flatbreads of some sort, sprinkling the torn basil leaves on top as it’s served.
  • Great for sharing – Just scoff it!

Tuna & Sweetcorn Mayo:

Tuna & Sweetcorn Mayo:

Prep:           5 mins.

Cooking:      None required.

Course:        Snack/Lunch/Sandwich filling

Serves:        As many as…..

Rating:         1:  Incredibly easy

I am not one for tinned tuna.  I find it dry and unappealing.  However, this combination just works – even for me.

Find:

  • Can tuna chunks in brine
  • Can sweetcorn (can use frozen, but it’s not so easy)
  • Jar of mayonnaise (I much prefer Lesieur French mayo, but I doubt that you’ll be able to get it.  A nice, rich, yellow mayo will be ok)
  • A bowl large enough.

Method:

  • Open the can of tuna. Drain out the liquid (give it to the dog or cat).
  • Open the can of sweetcorn. Drain out the liquid (I wouldn’t give it to anyone – yuk!).
  • Mix the two together in a bowl.
  • Add mayo to taste.
  • Season with lots of ground black pepper & sea salt.
  • Or have it with a salad.
  • Or spread it onto bread for lunchtime sarnies.

A really nice veggie breakfast pan…..

A really nice veggie breakfast pan…..

Prep:           10 mins.

Cooking:      10 mins.

Course:        Breakfast/Snack

Serves:        As many as…..

Rating:         1:  Very easy

A variation of a Mexican-ish anti-hangover breakfast of Jamie’s, this is a lovely way to have an almost English breakfast fry-up without the bacon & sausages (and we won’t even MENTION the black puddin’!)

Find:

  • As many eggs as you want to use
  • Red & yellow peppers
  • Mushrooms of whatever description
  • Onions (make yer own mind up how many)
  • Garlic – you make the decision how many cloves!
  • Tins of plum tomatoes – halve the number of people; that’s how many.
  • Oil, seasoning, chillies if you would like, Tabasco or Worcester sauce if you don’t.

Method:

  • Snip up the peppers, mushrooms – perhaps even a few pre-cooked chestnuts as well – and pop ‘em into a large, well-oiled frying pan over a high-ish heat. Get ‘em all going and cook ‘em well.
  • Chuck in a bit of water to take the bits of flavour from the surface of the pan (Jamie used a paella pan – you can use whatever pan you like; or, more to the point, whatever pan you have).
  • Now do the calculation:

How many people (say 4); now half of 4….. duh….

Ah yes, two cans of plum tomatoes.

  • Open the cans, pour in the juice and then take a table knife to the tomatoes to just cut them roughly & randomly whilst still in the can – you don’t want to use chopped tomatoes (otherwise I would have specified chopped tomatoes…..) and pour them in. Keep the heat up.
  • Chuck in a few dried herbs, or fresh if you have them (torn-up basil leaves would be especially good), and get it up to boiling. You can put the garlic in now as well. Season, mix in your flavourings, taste, etc.  Turn down the heat a bit.
  • When you are happy with the gorgeous taste, make as many holes in the surface of the mixture as you have eggs, cracking one into each hollow. Don’t hang about though or they’ll be cooked at different times – so get a wiggle on!
  • Pop a lid on top (if you have one) or some foil if you haven’t and in about 3 minutes you should have a lovely breakfast suitable for your veggie friends.
  • Serve it up onto toast, or pop some onto flatbreads of some sort. Just scoff it!

With many thanks to Jamie – it is based on his idea and I think that anyone with a good idea should be credited with it, even if it has been ‘Muddified’..

Boiled eggs:

Boiled eggs:

Prep:           5 mins.

Cooking:      5 mins.

Course:        Breakfast/Snack

Serves:

Rating:         1:  Very easy

 

Whatever complete idiot originally said “He can’t even boil an egg” should be shot at dawn, twice each day for a week, just to make sure he/she was successfully finished off……..

It isn’t the easiest of things to explain how to do as it depends where you store your eggs, whether the eggs are very fresh or older, the cooker itself, whether you are using electricity or gas, the pan type, etc.  However, follow Saint Delia’s method and you’ll stand a good chance…… just so long as you can boil water……..

You do have access to water, don’t you?

Saint Delia’s method:

  • Lower the eggs (using a tablespoon) into gently simmering water. 
  • Simmer for exactly one minute, then remove the saucepan from the heat, and leave the pan, with a lid on, for a further five minutes for small eggs, six minutes for larger eggs.

 

Colin’s method:

  • Just prick the blunt end of the eggs with a very sharp knife or something similar (and if you can’t tell which end of the egg is blunt or more rounded, nip off to Specsavers…..) to break into the air sac.
  • I lower the eggs (usually 2 or 3) into already vigorously boiling water (no salt) with a tablespoon, and I keep the heat high for 4½  minutes.  For one egg (for wusses wot can’t eat more than one egg), try 4 mins.
  • Pour the boiling water into the washing-up bowl (don’t put it down the sink cos you’ll be wasting all that energy that you will have to pay for anyway) and start chompin’ y’eggs.

‘Scromblette’

Colin’s famous ‘Scromblette’:

(AKA Moved-about-a-bit-less-eggs):

Prep:           5 mins.

Cooking:      2 mins.

Course:        Breakfast/Snack

Serves:

Rating:         1:  Very easy

Method:

  • As Scrambled eggs, but don’t beat the eggs at all, and move the eggs about much less than when doing scrambled eggs. I prefer this method as I get bigger bits of yolk.    It’s like a cross between an omelette and scrambled eggs…. A ‘scromblette’, so to speak.

Of course, if you separate eggs to use the whites for meringues, the yolks can be bunged to a scromblette to make it even richer and more…. more….. more SCROMBLESOME!

Scrambled Eggs:

Scrambled Eggs:

Prep:           5 mins.

Cooking:      2 mins.

Course:        Breakfast/Snack

Serves:

Rating:         1:  Very easy, but for the best result you will need to have the courage to tip the egg mixture out of the pan before it looks to be fully cooked, otherwise it will be spoiled – see text.

For one person, find:

  • 2 or 3 eggs
  • Oil
  • Wooden/silicon spoon or spatula with which to move things about in the pan.
  • Non-stick saucepan as above, but this time, using butter instead of the oil.

Method:

  • Melt the butter gently and add the beaten egg. Simply keep the mixture moving at all times, not allowing it to be still for a second, keeping it slowly moving in the pan over a medium heat – the spoon should not be still for an instant. 
  • Tip the scrambled egg on to the warmed plate whilst it still looks quite wet, before it looks to be fully cooked as it will continue cooking on the plate as you eat it. If you leave it too long it will become hard and not very nice (like you’ll get at a motorway service area, school dinners and cheap hotel breakfasts….).
  • Season to taste – either in the pan or on the plate.

ALSO SEE:  Bacon-Spiked Scrambled Eggs; in the meat section.  Yummy!

Omelette:

Omelette:

Prep:           5 mins.

Cooking:      5 mins.

Course:        Breakfast/Snack

Serves:

Rating:         1:  Very easy

Now for an omelette – just a simple, ordinary, plain omelette.

Firstly, I must be completely straight with you.  If you were a professional chef, you probably wouldn’t do it this way.  But you are not a chef; you are:

  • a rookie-cookie;
  • a newcomer to cooking;
  • a starter cook;
  • a cooking learner.

So, just do it the way I tell you, follow my super-objective destructions and it’ll be great; it’ll taste lovely, it won’t burn and it’ll be a success – just don’t proudly serve it to anyone who might be a bit of a foodie and tell ‘em that I said that it’s a perfect restaurant omelette, ‘cos it’s not wot actual ‘chefs’ take as an actual omelette…. actually – it’s only an actual omelette to NORMAL actual people like you’n’me, see; actually?

For a simple, single one-person omelette, find:

  • 2 or 3 eggs
  • Oil (Take your pick, but avoid Baby, Engine, Teak, Shaver, Sewing machine……)
  • Seasoning
  • Fork
  • Wooden spatula (that’s a stick-type o’thing wiv a flatted end….) with which to move things about in the pan.
  • Non-stick frying pan

Method:

  • Break 2 or 3 eggs into a mug or a bowl (see Tricks’n’Tips about cracking eggs, even though it might not seem important to you at this point….) and beat them together with a fork, mixing the yolks and the whites together to get a nice even colour.
  • Put a little oil into you frying pan, put on a high heat for enough time for the oil to become fairly hot, (but not enough to start smoking!), and then turn it down to a medium low heat. The pan does not need to get very, very hot – especially if the non-stick has deteriorated through age and over-use into a NON-SLIP coating, as it eventually does. 
  • Give the eggs another quick mix in the bowl and pour into the frying pan, in a circle around the edge, as the centre of an older frying pan will bow upwards making the centre higher than the edges.
  •  Just tilt the pan around to spread it all evenly then let the egg mixture find its own level in the pan. Burst any bubbles that may occur with the corner of a wooden/silicon spatula to let the air out and to let the egg mixture settle back down into the pan.  When the edges have started to set, push back the edge a little and tip the pan so that some of the runny stuff (unset egg mixture) runs into the empty pan space.  Do this at points around the edges so that all the runny stuff has been lost to the edges of the omelette.  This means that all the runny stuff is now in contact with the pan and will cook nicely before the rest of the underside starts to burn and stick to the pan.  Just keep it loose from the pan surface, that’s all.

Ever tossed an omelette?  No?  Oh good.

DON’T.         Never toss an omelette; there’s simply no need. 

  • When the upper surface of the omelette is no longer really runny but is still quite glossy, lightly season the surface and then fold it in two, slide it onto a plate and season the newly turned up surface as well.
  • That’s it.  Yes, that’s all it takes – it’s all very undramatic.
  • Of course, should you want a ham omelette, put chopped up ham bits onto the glossy surface of the omelette before you fold it.
  • Mushroom omelette?  Put cooked mushrooms (see Tricks’n’Tips) onto half of the omelette before you fold it . . .
  • Cheese omelette?  Put cheese . . . . You get the picture?
  • Spanish omelette?  Put a few chopped Spaniards onto . . . .  er, no.  That’s the exception that proves the omelette.

Oh yes, you should see Delia’s Spanish omelette.  COR . . . . .

Egg on cheese on beans on toast:

Egg on cheese on beans on toast:

Prep:           5 mins.

Cooking:      10 mins.

Course:        Snack

Serves:

Rating:         1:  Very easy

Method:

  • Oh yes…… the Advanced version……. As Cheese on beans on toast, but put a fried egg (See Tricks’n’Tips on frying an egg) on top.

Yes, I know, very technical – remind me to call the Patents Office.