The Good ol’ British Fry-Up: (English/Irish/Scottish/Welsh Breakfast)

The Good ol’ British Fry-Up:  (English/Irish/Scottish/Welsh Breakfast)

One of the most difficult things to do is to get several culinary elements done, ready at the same time.  This is the problem with the fry-up.

What would you like to do for this breakfast? And how long does each of them take?  ….and can they stay warm without spoiling? That’s the secret.

  • Bacon Fried/Grilled                                  10 mins                 yes
  • Eggs Fried                                                    5 mins                   NO!
  • Sausage Grilled                                          15 mins                  yes
  • Fried/grilled toms Fried/Grilled           15 mins                  yes
  • Baked Beans Saucepan                             5 mins                   yes
  • Black pudding Fried                                  5 mins                   yes
  • Fried bread Fried                                      10 mins                   yes
  • Hash Browns Fried                                  10 mins                  yes

From the above, you’ll see that the whole thing depends on how many eggs you need and whether you have enough pans to fry ‘em in!

If it was a perfect world, breakfast would be ready in 15 minutes, according to the table – but to do that you’d need five frying pans, a saucepan and a grill on a cooker with 6 rings.  It ain’t gonna happen.  Let’s tackle it sensibly:

  • Take a baking tray, place the halved tomatoes, cut side up.
  • Place the sausages, pricked with a fork, on the tray as well. Yes, we’re gonna cheat.
  • Drizzle a bit of oil on each of the tomatoes and season with a little salt – not too much.
  • Drizzle a little oil on the sausages and spread it all over them with a clean finger. They are clean….yes? (The fingers, not the sausages!)
  • Pop those in the oven on about….. say….. approximately…. Perhaps 200C.
  • Take your sliced bread. Cut it corner to corner.
  • Put a frying pan on the heat with a good amount of olive oil (alright – whatever oil you have) in it. Before it gets hot, briefly dip each bit of bread in the oil, both sides, and put it on a plate.  Just momentarily dip it, not soak it.
  • As the oil level goes down and the temperature goes up, the bread can be returned to the pan to fry and go golden. Juggle them so that the bread gets fried up to your standard.  Take the pan off the heat.  The bread can then be left on the surface.  It will cool.  That’s ok.  Bread done.
  • Pan on the heat again. Fry the black pud slices both sides and put with the bread.
  • Open a can of baked beans. Slop it into a saucepan and put onto a very low heat.  Bung a blob o’butter in it and some dried thyme.    You’ll need to stir it every 2 mins.
  • Pan back on – fry the hash browns. There’s only the bacon and those ruddy eggs left to do after these hash browns are done.
  • Put the hash browns onto a plate.
  • By this time, the sausages & toms will need turning over. Do that.
  • At the same time (with the other pair of hands) put all the bits that you’ve cooked (and have sitting on plates all over the ruddy kitchen) onto the same baking sheet as the sausages and toms. Go on – it’ll all fit (it’ll have to!). 
  • Now put that in the oven and turn the oven down to 140C.
  • Bacon into the pan. Turn the heat up.  Get it sizzlin’.  Turn the bacon.
  • Before the bacon is done, take it out and put it in the oven with the rest. Of course it’ll fit….
  • Turn the frying pan down and fry your eggs.
  • Before the whites have set properly, separate the whites from one another so that you don’t get a multitude of eggs coming out in one lump. Use the spatula to separate them into single or pairs, as necessary.
  • So, plate up your eggs, however many each person wants, and hand the plates out.
  • The rest of the breakfast can go onto plates or platters so that everyone can help themselves. YOUR WORK IS DONE!

Well done!  You survived.  It ain’t easy, eh?  But you did it.

Here’s to next time, when you do it for more than one person! 

…….. OH SHIT!   You forgot THE TOAST!

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